Recovery and freedom!

March,2010

 I get my drains removed to day so I can get ready for chemotherapy. I am so happy that I am getting my drains removed, now I can finally take a real bath. I must admit being onn bed rest has been so stressful. I am use to moving around and doing stuff now all I do is lie in bed. My father made plans for us to go putt putt to celebrate. I am so excited! Getting my drains removed was so painful. Ouch!!! I am free now so time to celebrate. I am so happy to have my family.

Reality!!!

March 1,2010

My surgery day was over and I had returned home. I was in so much pain and I was so angry because, I couldn't take a bath. I had to take a hoe bath for like 3 weeks the doctors said. I feel like reality has set in. I couldn't believe that my breast were gone. I remember when I was little girl how bad I wanted breast. I would love to squeeze my cousin Shari breast because, they were so big and I wanted boobs like her. LOL!!! I would stuff my bra and pray to God every night for breast. I though I has the most perfect breast and now they are gone. It then hit me that I will never be able to breast feed again and this was the hardest thing I every had to go through. I feel like my baby hates me. Breast feeding is what bonded us and now I can't feed him. I can't hold him because of these drains and surgery wombs. Ahh!!!! I am so mad. Why me Lord. This isn't fair. I just don't understand. I am too young for this. No one understands how I feel. I feel so alone right now. I have no breast!!!!

New Surgery Day!!!

February 24,2010

Today is the new day and I am ready. I went through all the test again and they began to prep me for surgery. My mom and husband were there and my aunt came. Not as many people as before but, it was enough for me. We all prayed and I was still nervous but, I knew that God would keep me. Dr. Diaz informed me that I may not get the reconstruction if I had too much milk. So I was prepared to wake up with no boobs. Dr. Imami took pictures and they doctors injected me with some feel good medication and before you knew it I was knocked out. I woke up and my first words were.....Thank You Jesus! I began to praise God for waking me up. I was wheeled into my room and my family was right there. My kids, husband, mom,dad,uncle,sister,brother,nephew,and aunt! Thank You Lord. We began to pray as a family and I was just so blessed to make it. They told me I was in surgery for 5 hours and I was unable to get the reconstruction because I had too much milk. I didn't care though I was just happy to be alive. My family then left and went home and my husband stayed. I looked down and saw that I was flat chested with drains hanging out and morphine in my IV for pain. It had really happened. They were really gone.

Time to run test!

Feb,2010
Since my first surgery date was cancelled. I went to the hospital so they could run test. After, they ran the test they found that I had a strange blood type. Lupus anticoagulant .....I have lupus too????? The doctor informed me that I did not have lupus. My blood was slow to clot. Which was valuable information for the doctors to know. Now they know how to perform my surgery. I was now cleared for my next surgery date. February 24,2010 this was my new date and I was nervous all over again.

Surgery Day

February 10, 2010

Today is the big day. I am in the car riding and I am so nervous. I am reading Isaiah 41:10-13. Lord I know you are with me so there is no reason to be afraid. We arrived at the hospital and I am shaking. I still have a smile on my face. I still can't cry. They put the IVs in my arm and I get ready for my pre-surgery testing. They took little needles and injected my breast with radiation dye so they could see how many lymph nodes were effected. Ouch!! I must admit that it hurt. It stung so bad. After, the testing I went back into the waiting room. My aunt Bea, uncle Anthony, aunt Ann, and uncle Ed all came and surprised me. I was so happy to see them. I had such a great support team. Dr Imami then came in and informed me that they had to cancel my surgery. What????? Cancel my surgery!!! I have got myself all hyped up for this. Why, I asked them and they said that my blood was not clotting properly and they didn't want to risk anything till they ran further test. Well this sucks...first breast cancer, now  my blood is messed up. Lord what is this about. I am slightly annoyed and yet happy. It is a reason for everything. Who knows why God allowed this to happen.

Night Before The Knife!

February 9,2010

 Oh wise and eternal God My Father, I come to you as humble as I know how. I do not understand why this has happened to me. I don't know if this is a punishment or a test. Please Lord just let me live to tell the story. I do not want to die. I still have work to do. I just want to serve you Oh Lord. Please God heal me and see me through this allow me to be a testimony to other young women out there. Touch the surgeons hands Lord. Heal me Lord. For I know you are God that can do all things. You said that by your stripes we are healed and I am going to stand on your word right now in the name of Jesus. Give me a peace Lord allow me to be strong through this surgery. Send your angels down to watch over me. I need to hear from you Lord. I need you more than ever. Just hear my prayer Lord for I am scared. Hold me Lord please Hold me. It is in your son Jesus name Amen!

I laid in the bed with my kids that night holding them so tight. I wanted to cherish that moment forever.

Weekend Before My Surgery!

February 1,2010
My surgery date was set on February 10th. Only 10 days away and I was getting nervous! My husband wanted to give me a weekend I would never forget before my big day. He reserved us a room at this resort and took me to my first basketball game. Whoo Hoo!!!! I am so excited. I finally get to see my man Dwight Howard. This was the best gift anyone could ask for. We went to the game and I felt like a million bucks. Just watching Dwight run up and down the court made me melt. I felt like a kid at the Make A Wish Foundation...lol! After the game we returned back to my mom's house for that is where we were staying at the time until my husband received  orders to come to Florida. It was my dad's birthday and Superbowl Sunday. My favorite team the Colts were playing. My weekend couldn't get any better until the Colts lost :(  At least they made it! I am ready for my surgery....well at least I think I am???